Why Is Nobody Buying This?!
You've got the product. You've got the traffic. People just aren't buying. Let's find out why.
You've got a product, a website, a funnel. People are landing. But they're not buying.
You've tweaked the copy. You've asked your team. You've stared at the dashboard until the numbers stop meaning anything.
Here's the thing: it's probably not what you think it is.
Most founders who come to me have already tried fixing the obvious stuff. The problem isn't that your business is broken. It's that you've been too deep in it to see the actual leak. And when everyone on your team is brilliant at their own bit, nobody's looking at the whole room.
Good news: this is fixable. Better news: I know how.
WHAT THIS IS
Why Is Nobody Buying This?! Is a complete conversion diagnostic for founders with a live product, real traffic, and a funnel that should be working but isn't.
I look at your data, your brand, your messaging, your UX and your funnel. All at once. Across four lenses. And I tell you exactly where you're losing people and why.
Then I hand you your Fix List and one ready-to-use deliverable you can actually do something with.
Not a generic audit. Not a deck full of vague recommendations you'll never action. Something built specifically for your business, your numbers, your actual problem.
HOW IT WORKS
Step 1 : The Intake
Before we speak, you fill in a short form and share your analytics access. I want your data, your revenue targets, and how you currently describe your ideal customer. (this bit is already quite revealing.) This is where the diagnosis starts.
Step 2 : The Zoom
A 60 minute call where I ask the questions your team is probably too polite to ask. You talk. I listen. I start pattern-matching. It usually gets interesting quite fast.
Step 3 : The Diagnostic
I go away and do the work. I run your business through four lenses: data health, brand coherence, messaging and comms, and UX friction. I find the leaks. I work out which one is the biggest.
Step 4 : The Handover
A 30 minute call where I walk you through your report and Fix List. But here's the bit that matters: you don't just leave with a document. You leave with one ready-to-use deliverable built specifically for your biggest problem. A brief your developer can start on Monday. A UX plan your designer can actually action. A job description for the hire you didn't know you needed. Whatever moves the needle most, done and ready to hand over.
WHAT YOU GET
A full diagnostic report across all four lenses
Your Fix List: what to tackle first, what to tackle next, in order of actual impact
One done-for-you deliverable specific to your biggest problem
Clarity on whether you have a leaky funnel or a traffic problem (because the fix is completely different and most people are solving the wrong one)
Investment: £750 Turnaround: one week from intake to handover
WHY ME?
I'm Alex. I'm a creative generalist operator which is a fancy way of saying I've spent 15 years working across product, brand, UX and marketing, and I've never done just one of them at a time.
Most conversion problems aren't one problem. They're four problems that are quietly making each other worse. A CRO specialist will look at your funnel. A brand consultant will look at your messaging. A UX designer will look at your interface. Nobody's looking at all of it together.
I am.
I've diagnosed conversion problems for a media platform that had brilliant content and invisible CTAs, a membership platform where the whole team was working flat out in completely different directions, and a tech startup where the actual problem wasn't the marketing at all. It was a platform so slow it was haemorrhaging users before they even got to the product.
I don't come in with a template and a confident face. I come in with questions, a lot of them, and I don't stop until I understand what's actually going on.
Then I tell you what I found, what it means, and what to do about it. In plain English, I promise.
THIS HAS WORKED FOR
A media platform with great traffic and strong content but a barely-visible subscription ask and dated UI that was quietly killing conversions. They left with a UX plan and a brand brief their designer could start on immediately.
A membership platform with a motivated team all working incredibly hard, in completely different directions. They left with a developer brief and a data infrastructure plan that finally gave their marketing team something real to work with.
This is for you if:
Your product is live and getting traffic
You have some data, even if you're not sure what it's telling you
You're genuinely proud of what you've built and ready to see it actually take off
You're tired of the gap between how good the thing is and how well it's selling
You want real answers, not reassurance
You're ready to actually act on what you find
THIS IS NOT FOR YOU IF:
You have no data yet (come back once you've got traction)
You want someone to patch the leak without finding out where it is
You need someone to tell you everything's fine
READY TO FIND OUT?
I take on a small number of these each month, so each one gets my full, undivided attention.